What Are People Who Are Enneagram Type Four Like In A Relationship?

If you're familiar with the Enneagram, you know type fours are the romantics of the personality system. While some might say your Enneagram type isn't important in a relationship, others swear by it. Fours are highly individualistic, creative, introspective, and feel most comfortable exploring the deep waters of the psyche. Fours tend to be emotional and their attention is naturally placed on their identity above all else. They strive to be anything but ordinary and predictable. They desire to be truly seen by a special someone as they often feel misunderstood by the outside world (via The Enneagram Institute).


When they aren't at their best, type fours tend to struggle with low self-esteem and self-isolation, feeling their individuality sets them apart too much. They can become too self-absorbed and moody. And as much as they crave their own unique identity, they don't actually want to be alone — and they make for great lovers. So when it comes to relationships, whimsical and ethereal type fours know how to give the gift of true romance (via Truity).

Type fours have great empathy in relationships

As type fours are deeply emotional, they have a knack for intuitively understanding what their partner is going through. They have big, aching hearts and will do everything they can to defend and protect their loved ones. "When their loved one is going through something difficult, Fours have the unique ability to make them feel seen and understood," Steph Barron Hall, certified Enneagram coach and author of The Enneagram in Love: A Roadmap for Building and Strengthening Romantic Relationships, told TZR.


Life with a type four is typically pretty dreamy and your partnership is likely idolized by outsiders. Type fours know how to make their partner feel special with highly romantic dates and an emotional intimacy like no other. Poetry, music, candles, and flowers are very much the vibe for a four in love. They can romanticize just about anything, for better or worse (via Truity), and often have an idyllic image of their loved one stamped into their consciousness.

Type fours can be detached from reality and their partners

Enneagram type fours tend to have their heads in the clouds and even the most loving of partners will have difficulty pulling them back down to earth. It may be a tendency to daydream, as many creatives often do, but more often than not, type fours use their imaginations as a form of escapism to cope with some of life's less-than-romantic aspects. Partners of type fours may begin to feel neglected or ignored as their type four pours their focus into their own dreams (via Nine Types).


Type fours would benefit from conscious communication and asking themselves if their perception of a situation is factual or imagined (via The Enneagram Institute). Romantic relationships with a four are more likely to flourish if they can practice a healthy self-discipline around grounding activities, like working out and being outdoors. If you're dating a type four, listen to their whimsical musings with loving affection, but don't hesitate to invite them to join you in the real world. They may not be of the flesh, so to speak, but they can be guided out of the dream realm with a little help.