Imposter Syndrome In Relationships Is A Thing, But It Doesn't Have To Be
If you struggle to see the value you bring to your relationship or feel that you're not good enough for your partner, you're probably experiencing relationship imposter syndrome. When one partner has insecurities, it can hurt their relationship when they think about how their partner deserves better or think their partner will leave them for someone else. These insecurities can stem from low self-esteem or self-doubt, which a partner can try to hide from their significant other to appear perfect for them. However, hiding your authentic self can cause problems in your relationship. For example, it can hurt your intimacy with your partner; you might not feel attractive enough for them, so you won't want them to see you intimately.
While imposter syndrome can make you feel that you don't deserve the good things that come to you, that doesn't mean that's true. On the other hand, people who feel imposter syndrome the most see themselves as perfectionists, so they carry that into their relationships. It can be challenging to make yourself believe you're worthy of a healthy and happy relationship when you have negative thoughts about who you are, but there are ways to turn those negative thoughts into positive ones. Here are a few ways to help eliminate the imposter syndrome in your relationship.
Think about the facts
It's easy to get in your head and let your emotions take over your actions, creating imposter syndrome. However, falling for everything you think about could lead to issues between you and your partner. Instead of thinking about things in a negative light, think about the facts of the situation. Know that you have much to offer your relationship, and think about what you bring to your union. In addition, try to notice when you have negative thoughts, such as "My partner deserves better," so you can stop the thoughts and prevent shutting yourself down.
Instead of thinking in a way that will hurt your self-esteem, think about why you're thinking those things. Ask yourself, "What is really going on? Is what I'm feeling hurting my relationship? Should I be in a relationship right now?" Questioning yourself can lead you to the right answers, even though they can be hard to answer. Be honest with yourself. Maybe you have to take some time to step aside and work on yourself before you can be in a relationship. Imposter syndrome can make you emotionally unavailable, especially if your partner tries to get close to you. Pushing them away and picking fights with your partner are negative effects of imposter syndrome you should watch out for.
Talk to your partner
The best thing to do when experiencing relationship imposter syndrome is to talk to your partner. Most of those imposter-style thoughts are all in your head, so your significant other can ease your insecurities and reassure you. However, if you need constant reassurance, your partner won't be able to help you all the time. You need to be able to believe what they tell you and allow it to stick for a long time. Daily reassurance from your partner can also take a toll on them because they'll feel you're not accepting and believing what they're saying.
In addition, your partner can help you work through your imposter syndrome by listening to your needs and fears. They can work with you to think more positively. When you say your insecurities or fears out loud, they can tell you nice and positive things you'll be able to remember the next time you're having negative thoughts. For example, insecure thoughts such as "I'm not attractive enough for my partner" can harm your self-esteem, so when your partner tells you "you're beautiful," listen to them and remember the feeling. You'll be able to think back on the way they made you feel so that you can overcome your imposter-style thoughts.
Tell yourself positive affirmations
Telling yourself positive affirmations is a great way to get out of thinking negatively. The first few times will feel a little silly, especially when you do it in front of the mirror, but they can be beneficial. Positive speaking to yourself increases your self-esteem, so you can believe when your partner or friends give you nice compliments. In addition, it'll help you overcome your imposter syndrome. A few self-affirmations can be as simple as "I am enough," "I have pretty eyes," "I am a valuable partner," etc.; talk about the things you like about yourself.
If you don't feel comfortable saying affirmations in front of the mirror, you can always say them in your head or write them down. Journaling has proven to help people's mental health, so you can write down your feelings while writing down optimistic thoughts. When you find yourself with doubts or negative thoughts, look back on what you wrote to remind yourself that you're a great person with many high qualities. Amid low moments, remember to be kind to yourself and continue to work through the imposter syndrome.
Reach out to others
Sometimes talking to your partner or telling yourself affirmations isn't enough, so talking to your family or friends can provide extra help. Your family members and friends often know you better, especially if you're dating someone new, so they can really listen to you talk about your insecurities. Even though some family members will tell you what you want to hear or say things just to make you feel better, reach out to someone you know you can trust and will tell you the complete truth.
Often, friends will have been in a similar situation and can give helpful advice. While you shouldn't compare your experiences to those around you, it's nice to know you're not alone. You'll also learn new methods of controlling your imposter syndrome from others who have gone through it. Friends who might not have gone through a similar situation can still offer a clear perspective you're not seeing, so they can reassure you without being hard on you. It's crucial to speak to those who empathize with you while giving you constructive criticism and avoid people who will make you feel bad about your feelings.
Seek therapy
Therapy can be scary, but it's an ideal way to get extra support. If it's challenging for you to talk to your partner, friends, or family about your relationship imposter syndrome, talking to a therapist could help you open up. Different mental health conditions could go hand in hand with your imposter syndrome, like depression, so seeking therapy can help you through multiple areas to help you heal. We also mentioned that people with imposter syndrome are often perfectionists, and it can also stem from their childhood. Parents who are also perfectionists can put that pressure on their children by not allowing them to make too many mistakes and being hard on them when they do. Kids will grow up with the same mindset that everything they do must be perfect when it doesn't. It's okay to make mistakes.
Going to therapy can provide everything you need to progress through any issues or allow you to talk about things that have been on your mind. If you have difficulty communicating, therapy can provide the best guidance to help you communicate better. You want to walk around confidently and know that you're enough for yourself, your partner, and your relationship to let go of your relationship imposter syndrome.