Good, Old-Fashioned Pillow Talk May Be The Ritual Your Relationship Needs

Our day-to-day lives bring us so many distractions. Our attention is pulled in so many directions with our phones, political news, and our responsibilities. These daily distractions make it difficult for us to relish in our romantic relationships and stay present with our partners. Our lives are so full that many of us feel pulled to give every other part of our lives attention and energy and ignore our partnership. It's easy to acknowledge that we aren't putting the work into our relationships that we should, but it's hard to know how to change our behavior and begin fostering the partnership we have with our significant others.


Although reigniting our relationship with our partner sounds easier said than done, it doesn't have to be complicated. Reconnecting can simply come in the form of giving them your time and undivided attention. You may be surprised that one small part of your day is the perfect time to start caring for one of the most important relationships in your life, and you may have a lot of fun doing this.

What is pillow talk

Many stories of falling in love often begin with late-night talks and one-on-one conversations. As our relationships grow, it becomes increasingly difficult to find that one-on-one time again. In many relationships, we push off our partner's wants and needs to tend to children, outside responsibilities, and day-to-day tasks. We all know that keeping a healthy relationship takes work, but many of us struggle with how to begin igniting that connection again. 


One of the most effective ways to engage with your significant other again is with old-fashioned pillow talk. Pillow talk can start as light and conversational discussions, and they may organically evolve into deeper topics. Having one-on-one time with your partner with the only expectation being a conversation is a great way to connect intimately. Healthline explains that relaxing with your partner helps increase the love hormone, oxytocin. This hormone helps with connection and love and intensifies when you are in this relaxed state.

What to say

There are many different ways you can start pillow talk with your partner. The Everygirl explains that you can choose to talk about what you are grateful for, where you would like to visit one day or just a review of the day you've just had. You can have fun with your conversations with more structure like an ABC conversation where each of you starts a sentence with A, B, C, and so on. You can shake things up with a few rounds of "Would you rather" where you give your partner a choice between two different choices. 


No matter your conversation style, the point of this pillow talk is that you are only focusing on your partner, and responding to the conversation at hand. Talking like this without interruption is not only rare, it's as intimate as you can be without physical touch. You will reconnect by communicating, and you may even learn something you didn't know about your significant other.

Non-verbal pillow talk

If you are too tired to talk after a long day, feel free to experience the joy of non-verbal communication. If you both are feeling in the mood for this type of love language, touching each other physically is a great way to express your feelings. Couples can do this by spooning, having a massage session, or crossing your legs over your partner's. Loving in this tender way is a new idea in old-fashioned pillow talk. So rarely do we carve out time for relaxed, physical touch, and this could be an approach that works for you and your partner.


The goal of these pillow talk sessions is to deepen and reinvigorate the connection that brought you both together. Life is busy, but it can be as exciting as it was when you first met your significant other. Shut off the noise and dial in with your love for some pillow talk.

Go deep with your questions

If you and your partner are looking for a deeper conversation and connection than "Would you rather ..." questions and bucket lists, it could be time to go deeper during your pillow talk sessions. There are many apps and websites that offer great conversation starters for couples to peel back layers. Questions like, "Do you believe in love at first sight?" to "What do you value most about our relationship?" to "When did you know I was the one?" Touching on deep topics such as these may open your eyes to new insights about your partner. 


The more routine you make these pillow talk sessions, the more you'll be able to uncover about the person you know best. These kinds of conversations keep you both invested, and they reveal something new each time. It may remind you of when you first met, and it will help you keep things fresh and exciting. 

Ways to stay focused

Connecting on a deeper level with your partner doesn't take a lot of time. In order to fully commit to this type of undivided attention for your partner, you may want to set yourself up for this by setting up the stage for just you, your partner, and interesting conversation. Consider charging your phones in a different room. By not having the temptation of your cell phones in the room, you can truly hide from distractions and work on focusing on your partner. 


If you appreciate the uninterrupted time, consider removing other distractions like your television or smartwatches. Work on making pillow talk a regular appointment multiple times a week. Doing this will allow you authentic time to find out what is genuinely on your partner's mind on any given day. Pillow talk is simple and true, and it may just be what is missing from your nighttime routine.