How To Stop Yourself From Obsessing Over The Person You're Seeing
Seeing someone new is really exciting, especially if they're the first person you've been into since your last breakup. You two are having a ton of fun, and you're really into them. But then you get to that point where you start to wonder what they're up to all the time. Do they think about you? Are they on a date with someone else? Do they feel the same way you do about them? It comes to a point where you're obsessing over this person, and honestly, it's not a good look.
It's totally cool to really be into the person you're seeing, but when your thoughts are consumed by nothing but what they're doing or thinking, it's time to take a step back and reassess your priorities. Maybe you've made this mistake in the past and aren't sure how to stop yourself from doing it again. Lucky for you, we've created a list of how to be in control and not obsess over the person you're dating.
Find ways to keep busy that don't involve your phone
When you're seeing someone, being on your phone only leads to Facebook and Instagram stalking (you know it's true). The next thing you know, you're looking at their tagged photos from three years ago, wondering if they still talk to that ex. To combat this obsessive habit, find ways to keep yourself occupied that don't involve using your phone. Hang out with friends, start that book you've been meaning to read, take up a sport, or try any appealing hobby. It doesn't matter what activity you choose as long as your phone is out of sight and out of mind.
If you don't have the willpower to stay off your phone, have a friend or roommate key it in their possession until you're done. If need be, hide your date's posts so you don't have to look at them the second you open Instagram. These are simple ways to stop yourself from obsessing over them. Seriously, it isn't as difficult as you think.
Stop idealizing them
In the dating world, it's important to understand the difference between fantasy and reality. You could spend all day idealizing the person you're seeing in your head without even realizing it. Frankly, it's unhealthy. This isn't to say you're being delusional — it's just that putting them on a pedestal can have serious consequences. It leads to obsession but can also destroy you mentally when they don't meet your expectations. In your eyes, they can never do anything wrong when we all know that's highly unrealistic.
This is when reality sets in, and you have to face the truth that not every fantasy holds up in real life. In some cases, you're already thinking far into the future, picturing your life together. You think of your wedding day, the kind of house you'll buy, and even your children. Then, you become fixated on that fantasy and are devastated when it doesn't come true. It's best to get your head out of the clouds before it's too late.
Keep playing the field
This advice is only for those who haven't agreed to be exclusive with the person they're seeing. We encourage you to keep playing the field if you haven't had the I-don't-want-to-see-other-people conversation. When you're busy with other dates, you won't have time to sit and obsess over one person. Now, you shouldn't force yourself to do anything you don't want to; if you aren't interested in going out with other people, that's your choice. However, if you are open to the idea, we say go for it!
Who knows? Maybe the person you like will find out you're going out on dates and get jealous; then, they're calling you to hang out. Usually, we don't condone playing games, but whoever said all is fair in love and war was obviously single. Sometimes, you need to play games to get what you want; if that game is dating other people, so be it.
Try not to overthink their words and actions
We all know this is easier said than done, but it can stop you from obsessing over the person you're dating. Chances are, at some point during your dating career, you've sat staring at a text message from the person you're seeing, trying to decode exactly what they mean. Does the smiley emoji mean they're into you or just trying to hook up? Should you send one back, or does that seem desperate? Suddenly, you're calling all your friends for advice on what to write back.
On the other hand, maybe they've done something that left you wondering about their intentions. They saw your Instagram story but didn't respond to it — does this mean they're over you? You usually talk on the phone every night, but they didn't call today. Were they busy or on a date with someone else? By overthinking their words and actions, you're only driving yourself crazy, furthering your obsession.
Keep in mind that obsessing over someone isn't productive
When you're so focused on another person, it's easy to forget how unproductive it is. All that time you're obsessing over the person you're dating could be used to do something productive. If you work from home, focus on the task at hand. Give all of your attention to what you're doing. Do you want to be the person that gets fired for not doing their work because of a crush? We'll go out on a limb and say you aren't, so use that energy for something else.
It doesn't have to be work; you can be productive in other ways. For example, you signed up for a half-marathon but haven't started training yet. Well, now is the perfect opportunity to get up and start running. Plus, this will give you something that doesn't involve your phone, so you really have no time to fill your head with those obsessive thoughts.