How To Combat Overthinking In Your Relationship

When you find someone with whom you have a connection, it can be a wonderful experience. Suddenly, you have a partner for your days and nights, and life can be a lot of fun. When you find that perfect someone, the last thing you want to do is obsess about what could go wrong, but many of us have a hard time letting ourselves relax in happiness. Checking text messages, questioning what they do, and reading into every comment are signs that your overthinking is creeping its way into your relationship.


This type of thought cycling is not your fault. It's natural to have anxiety about relationships if you've ever been hurt or betrayed by a previous partner. You may be left wondering if they feel the same way you do about the relationship, and that has your anxiety level elevated (via Healthline). In addition, if you feel strongly about your significant other, the stress of ever losing them can creep into your thoughts and create havoc on your emotions. If overthinking is something that you take part in consistently, don't fear — there are many ways to stop, breathe, and find peace in the relationship you and your partner have created.

Address the causes of overthinking

Before you bring your anxious thoughts to your partner, give yourself the gift of reflecting on exactly when and why this happens. MindWell Psychology NYC recommends taking time to figure out why you may be overthinking by noticing your taking part in these thoughts as soon as you can. Each time you find yourself heading down the path of endless thoughts, take emotional inventory. Ask yourself what emotions and fears accompany these thoughts. Once you've evaluated those, decide if these thoughts are based in fear. Choosing Therapy mentions that much of overthinking is based on control. If you feel your overthinking may be associated with your need for control, focus on the parts of your worries that are in your power.


In addition, a feeling that is similar to control in intensity, but that might be causing your mind from running through thoughts is blame. Greater Good Magazine explains that blame and guilt are rooted in the past, and constant overthinking is also based in the past. Instead of blaming yourself for something you did or said years ago or blaming your partner for something similar, try to bring yourself back to the present and focus on what is happening in your relationship currently. More than likely, there are more things to celebrate than you're acknowledging at first.

How to stop overthinking

Even if overthinking is a recurring issue, there are many ways to get control of your cycling thoughts. Thought spirals are associated with anxiety, and an excellent remedy for anxiety is meditation. Try to find a quiet place and breathe deeply with your eyes closed for five to 10 minutes. Breathing deeply will help calm your anxious thoughts and give you the peace of mind you've been needing (via Brides). If meditation isn't working for you, give your overthinking a name. This will allow you to acknowledge that it's happening, and you'll be able to give yourself a time limit of one or two minutes to finish your thoughts. Once you are able to identify it, it will be easier to stop it in its tracks. Consider refocusing your attention on doing something fun with your partner. Go for a hike, a run, or to the gym. Sometimes planning something exciting for the both of you in the future will give you something to look forward to (via Up Journey).


Finally, if your thoughts continue to plague you, have a conversation with your partner. They may not realize you are tortured with continuous thoughts, and they may be able to calm your mind from guilt, blame, or worry (via MindWell Psychology NYC). Finding someone to spend your time with is special, get back to enjoying moments with your partner and stop the overthinking once and for all.