How To Determine If It's Just A Rough Patch Or You're Headed For Heartbreak

No relationship is perfect. At one point or another, every couple experiences some sort of bump in the road. Maybe the two of you have been fighting a lot more lately, or you aren't as intimate as you would like to be. In some more extreme cases, you may have a wandering eye, looking in other places to find someone who can do the things your partner can't. You want to believe it's temporary, but sometimes, there are relationships that can't be fixed; the only thing you can do is end it altogether.


The question is, how do you determine whether you are going through a rough patch or are part of something that's too broken to fix? There are a few ways to determine the difference between the two. If you're constantly having the same argument, and you no longer love or respect your partner, it may be more than just a rough patch. It's a hard pill to swallow, but sometimes, you have to accept that the relationship just isn't the one for you.

You have the same argument on a regular basis

This is one of the biggest signs you and your partner are ready to call it quits. When you are constantly fighting, it causes a huge strain on your relationship, as well as your mental health. This doesn't mean you should break up because you have to remind them to take out the trash; we're talking about more significant arguments, like your lifestyle choices or the difference in your future goals. For instance, they really want to have children, but you've explicitly explained that you don't ever see yourself becoming a parent. This topic is loaded enough to lead to several ongoing arguments that never seem to completely resolve. 


If you've exhausted all options to help fix your issues (such as couples therapy), it might be time to sit down and have the breakup conversation. Forgetting to make the bed is something you can work on; knowing only one of you wants to get married isn't. Repeatedly having arguments like this isn't an indication of a rough patch — it's a sign you're headed for heartbreak.

Do you love and respect them?

There are certain flaws that can cause a rift between you and your partner; however, if it's something you can look past, it's clear you love that person enough to work through it. The issue is when you can't distance them from their flaws, no matter what they may be. Maybe you can't get over the fact they don't get along with your family or they're always late with their half of the rent. Those kinds of issues that seem bigger than your love for your partner likely indicate that a breakup is on the cards. Remember, your partner has the same right to assess your flaws as you do with theirs. You may do or say things they don't like, and it's up to them to decide whether or not you're worth staying with.


Along with love in the face of flaws, respect is also an important quality that can help a relationship to survive the tough times: "If you are able to communicate through it and afterwards are still able to trust and respect that person from a non judgmental standpoint that could be a rough patch you can move past," relationship coach Adelle Kelleher told Well + Good.

Ultimately, both people are responsible for making a relationship last; you can't put all the work or blame on the other person. It's up to the both of you to figure out if your problems indicate a rough patch or a permanent break.