Be The 'You Were Saying?' Person: The Conversation Technique That Shows You Care

Along with the funny cat videos and makeup hacks, you can actually find some solid interpersonal advice on TikTok. Holistic health coach Olivia Yokubonis, for instance, has gone viral several times for her words of wisdom on the app. Recently, she made a video sharing her advice about how to be the most attractive person in the room (spoiler: It has nothing to do with physical appearance). One of these tips is all about being a good listener and letting others know that you care about them in a subtle yet intentional way.

Let's visit a scenario that has probably happened to you before. You're in a group setting, maybe out to dinner, and you're telling a story. Then, something or someone distracts the group and you're interrupted, only for the group to never circle back to what you were saying. It feels a bit awkward and embarrassing, but you just move on with everyone else. But then, there's that one person who notices and asks you, "What were you saying?" You instantly feel better knowing that someone still wants to hear what you have to say. We all know how good it feels to know someone like that, so why not strive to be that person?

Be the best listener in the room

It's often the smallest gestures that can make a big difference to someone. A simple "you were saying?" or "what were you going to say?" can show someone you care, rather than just moving on and letting everyone else talk over them. It shows that you're truly invested in what they have to say, and this person will then feel more comfortable and safe around you. Navigating conversations in a group can be challenging, and this is one way you can make it easier for someone who might be struggling to get a word in.

Maybe there's a new person at work who frequently gets interrupted during meetings. If you notice this before anyone else does, you can make sure to bring the conversation back to them and ask, "What were you saying?" This will make them feel heard and valued, which is especially important in the workplace. Kindness goes a long way.

Going a step further with the theme of listening, Olivia Yokubonis gives another piece of advice in her video: "Don't listen to respond." When someone's talking, we sometimes focus too hard on how we're going to respond, instead of actively listening to them. We often want to chime in with our own experiences, but instead, asking more questions about what someone is telling you will show them that you're truly interested and want to learn more. 

It builds your own confidence, too

Believe it or not, confidence has little to do with your physical appearance and more to do with the energy you send out to people around you. Being the "you were saying?" friend shows that you can take initiative to create space for someone when they're interrupted or ignored. We all want to be good friends to the people around us, and adopting habits like this will draw people closer to you and allow you to comfortably navigate conversations. Your positive and welcoming energy will be magnetic, and the world needs more friends like that.

Whether they say it or not, the people around you will always appreciate you for being that person for them. If you're trying to make more connections with people, a solid foundation of active listening and respect will create friendships that are healthy and built to last. When we build others up around us, we build ourselves up, too.