How To Communicate Your Wants In A Relationship

We're constantly evolving and transforming throughout our lives, so it's only fitting for our needs to change. We can't grow into different versions of ourselves by having the same mindset or requirements, especially in a relationship. However, when you realize there are a few other things you want now than before, it can be challenging talking to your partner about them. You don't want to make them feel like you're breaking up with them or that they're not enough for you. Sitting down and talking with your partner in a calm state will help you express to them what you need at that moment in your life.


A serious discussion with your significant other doesn't have to feel daunting. You should feel comfortable talking to your partner about anything and know they'll support your feelings. One thing you want to avoid is having a serious discussion over text, even though that sometimes feels easier to do when you do not have to look them in the eye. But when you're texting back and forth, the meaning could get lost, the tone could be taken in different ways, or the conversation won't be handled in a short time if one person takes a long time to respond. Instead of hiding behind your phone, here's how to communicate your wants to your partner.

Talk to your partner in a private setting

We mentioned how you shouldn't have a serious conversation with your partner over text messages because meanings can get lost in translation. Instead, find a quiet place where you two could meet so you can talk about everything in one sitting. Or go out in public to a restaurant or coffee shop where other people are around so you don't feel alone. Sometimes, when expressing your wants, you might feel like it's you against your partner when it's not, so you might appreciate a sense of security and comfort with others in the vicinity.


When talking to your partner, be clear on your message. If you need a moment to think of the most precise way to say something, take a few minutes to think things through. You don't want to overwhelm your partner by blurting out what you need, nor do you want to say the wrong thing. The last thing you want to do is make your partner feel like they're doing something wrong when they think the relationship has been going smoothly.

Be receptive to your partner's thoughts

Expressing your wants or setting new boundaries can feel like a massive weight on your shoulders, so going through them slowly with your partner is vital. Also, remember to let your significant other jump in and discuss their thoughts. Sometimes we feel that we should talk about everything in one breath, then hand over the microphone to our partner, but it shouldn't be that way. Try talking about one of your needs, then let your partner give their input. If you feel you'll forget what you want to say, write it down beforehand so you don't miss important topics.


It would be best also to allow your partner to communicate their needs. While you feel that your wants have changed, odds are theirs have altered, too. Avoid making your needs more important than your partners, or it'll drive them away. If they tell you they can't fulfill what you're asking, they might not be the right person for you, which can go both ways if you feel you can't meet your partner's needs. Your relationship will only work if you try accommodating each other's wants.

Avoid bringing up the past

Avoid bringing up the past when you're talking about your new wants. Though it's tempting to bring up your partner's past mistakes to make a point, it could be irrelevant to the conversation. Bringing up things from the past can be detrimental to your relationship, setting it back instead of allowing it to move forward. You want to grow with your partner and ensure you can work together to make each other happy.


Sometimes, your significant other won't be able to meet all of your needs. They're human and imperfect, but they can try their hardest to give you their best. Your partner isn't with you to be your primary source of happiness; they're meant to add joy to your life. So, if there are a few needs your partner can't fulfill, see if you can satisfy them yourself through affirmations or an activity. You might find yourself in the same place where you can't meet one of your partner's needs, and that's okay; you just have to continue working together and be there for each other.

Write down your wants

Confrontation with someone you're close with can be nerve-wracking. You don't want to make your partner feel bad by accidentally saying the wrong thing, nor start crying if you feel overwhelmed. If confrontation makes you anxious, write down how you feel in a letter for your partner to read. You'll have a better idea of how to say what your new needs are without getting your words mixed up. It would be best to meet up with your partner so that you can have a conversation afterward. They'll be able to tell you how they feel about your letter, questions they might have, or discuss ways to meet your needs, which will help you become more comfortable talking to them. Moreover, your communication will slowly improve over time, and you won't be nervous about bringing up things you've had on your mind. 


Remember to approach the subject calmly and be open to your partner's words. Look at the situation as a growing process in your relationship rather than a terrible ending. You're supposed to change and evolve with your person. Don't be afraid of expressing your needs so that you don't resent your partner for things they were unaware of due to your unspoken expectations. Talking about everything with your partner is crucial, especially if you're both in it for the long haul.