Find Out You're Dating Someone In A Relationship? Here Are 5 Steps To Take

Relationships are difficult on their own, add a third person you knew nothing about into the mix, and things are bound to get way trickier. Being the "other person" in a relationship is never fun. Maybe you've always had your doubts, but they were so perfect you decided to ignore the signs, or perhaps it came as a colossal shock, and you are still in denial. Either way, if you've found yourself to be the unwilling and oblivious accomplice, finding your way out of the situation without conviction can get a little bit tricky.


Whether you want to ghost your partner, confront them, or simply move on, dealing with your own emotions and values and knowing how to communicate them doesn't always come easy. That's why we have broken it down into five steps. From understanding and acknowledging your emotions to confronting your partner, we'll help you navigate this sensitive ordeal.

Letting yourself feel

It's essential to acknowledge your feelings without deflecting them. You might feel a whole range of emotions as you assess your situation. Anger, confusion, denial, disappointment, and sadness will either come all at once, pushing you into emotional overload, or you might move through these emotions in phases. However, it's vital to validate what you're feeling and ask yourself why you feel this way. You might be angry because you blame yourself for being tricked, and you might be sad because you actually believed they were the one. And if you're feeling apathy, they were probably not making your heart flutter; in that case, moving on should come easy. Getting to the root of your emotions will help you understand the true nature of your relationship. It's always good to give yourself time to reflect on your emotions in times like such.


When in the tumult of your emotions, ensure you're doing mental work, not physical work. An emotional state can trigger you to take actions you might regret later on. So, wear your emotions out before confronting your partner.

Building a case

Before you decide what you want to do, be it confrontation or ghosting, make sure you have your facts straight. Gather concrete evidence of your partner's engagement in another relationship before confronting them. Evaluate how you got your information and check its credibility. If your case is built mainly on speculation, give your partner a chance to explain themselves. And if their story checks out, apologize for misunderstanding the situation. However, if you're certain they are committed to someone else and think they are not worth the conversation, you can go ahead and ghost them. 


Ghosting someone when you don't know for certain if they are actually in the wrong can rob your partner of a chance to defend themselves and you of a blameless partner. Resort to ghosting only if there is absolute certainty. Once you have evidence and solid reasons to believe your partner is wrong, you can start a conversation with them.

Effective communication

An effective conversation with your partner will help you find closure, clear any misunderstanding, and aid with moving on. So, it is imperative to be equipped with the necessary communication skills and know how to go about it.


When communicating, make sure you are honest, sincere, and true to your feelings. Tell your partner how their actions have made you feel; make them aware of the damage they have caused and how it will impact your future dating life. Allow them to explain themselves and what their intentions were. Listen to them with caution; in addition to hearing their side of the story, try to figure out the tone of their voice and their immediate reaction to your accusations. See if there is genuine remorse in their tone and if they are committed to resolving the situation.

Holding back on your anger and resentment towards your partner can be difficult, but try your best to remain calm and confident. To have an effective argument, both parties should participate civilly, so keep aside the hostility until you reach a satisfactory conclusion. If your partner refuses to engage cordially, leave the room and let them know you're only willing to communicate with them if they are civil and engaging.


Self-care and reflection

You should prioritize your feelings and well-being when deciding how to act in this situation. Evaluate and reflect on how your partner's actions made you feel and how they will impact the future of your relationship. Tap into your moral code and values to figure out if you can be with someone who cheats and lies. A situation like this will leave some scars that'll cultivate trust issues. 


After confronting your partner, if they tell you they'll choose you over the other person or that they are going to leave them, ask yourself if you can truly trust them. How can you be certain they are not lying to you if they are untrue to the other person? And being in a relationship without trust can be detrimental to your mental and physical health.

Reflect on not only your partner's actions but also the feelings of the other person involved. Try to put yourself in their situation and reflect on how you would feel. Therefore, make sure your actions are not causing any harm to their mental health. Always act with empathy, don't let the situation escalate, and keep collateral damages minimal.


Get back out there

If you really thought they were the one, it can be difficult to move on. It's easy to throw all sense out the window and still give them a chance though it might be against your moral code. But you're putting yourself in a cycle of distrust and heartbreak. Try to break away from your partner and surround yourself with friends, family, and hobbies. It is important to establish a strong support system to avoid going back to them. And when the time seems right, you can ease yourself into dating again.


Getting back out there after having your trust broken can be difficult and scary, especially if the situation has left you with some serious insecurities. Remind yourself now and then that not everybody is like that, work through your trust issues, spend more quality time with yourself, and let time take care of the rest.