Is Not Buying From A Wedding Registry Okay? The Pros & Cons, Explained
Whether it's your best friend who's tying the knot or one of your closest family members, you might be directed to a wedding registry to congratulate the happy couple. A registry not only makes things easier for those who are getting married, but for their loved ones, too — the goal is to remove the guesswork from the gift-buying process. Many couples also choose to create a wedding registry to make sure they only receive the items they need.
However, it's not uncommon to feel pressure upon scrolling through a wedding registry, especially if you're on a budget. Not everyone has the same amount of money to spend on gifts, and you might be hesitant to break the bank if it happens to be for a casual acquaintance. If you're given the opportunity to purchase from a wedding registry, is it mandatory to do so?
While tradition would likely say yes, some people choose to forego the opportunity to buy a gift from the registry. It is okay to buy from elsewhere. That being said, there are pros and cons to going this route, meaning you may want to weigh all of your options beforehand.
Pro: You can pick out something more personal
If you want to make sure your gift resonates with the couple but you don't see an item that hits the right note on the registry, it may be a good idea to skip it. In many cases, people who know the owners of the registry especially well will go off the registry in favor of opting for a more personal gift. "It is one thing for my cousin or a work colleague to purchase from the registry," etiquette consultant Jodi Smith told the Tampa Bay Times. "But I would expect my sister or my college roommate to choose something special."
As you look for a gift that the couple will love, don't forget to consider their personal interests in addition to their needs. While you might enjoy a food processor, for example, it may not be useful to the couple if neither of them cooks at home. If you're unsure of how your present will be received, you can limit any discomfort by providing a gift receipt. This will allow the couple to return or exchange the item if it doesn't meet their needs or happens to be a duplicate.
Con: You may offend the newlyweds
The most obvious risk you'll run by choosing to go off the wedding registry is offending the newlyweds. Depending on the couple, you might initiate friction if you offer an unexpected gift, especially if you didn't run it by them first. Even if the items that were listed in the registry didn't fit into your budget, it may be perceived as rude or inconsiderate if you opt out, depending on the circumstances.
If you're in a situation where you have to go off of the registry, there are a few ways you can spin it to show that you had the best intentions. Brides recommends finding a gift that you know will be meaningful to the couple. If you know them well enough, you might want to consider having an item made so it is unique and shows your thoughtfulness.
Keep in mind that items on the wedding registry list also aren't meant to be perceived as personal wish lists, so look for potential gifts that both people can enjoy, even if you only know one of their tastes. Some items that can be put to use by anyone include bedding, travel items, and lawn and gardening tools.
Pro: You can avoid breaking the bank
If you choose to forego the wedding registry, you give yourself the chance to save a few bucks when you eventually buy a wedding gift. This can be largely beneficial if you're on a budget or a fixed income. However, it doesn't eliminate the potential for awkwardness if the couple isn't expecting you to go off the registry. You can prevent this discomfort by talking to the couple beforehand — try to gauge their expectations in terms of the registry. Does it seem like they have high expectations in terms of what they've asked for? Do they seem like they would understand if you didn't want to purchase an item from the registry? If you're concerned, you can tell them of your alternative plans so it isn't a surprise.
When you decide that you should forego the registry for budget reasons, try to think of what you plan on giving the couple instead. If you need to tell them your plans, you'll be able to provide a better idea of what your alternative gift may be — this may be all you need to get them on board with your choice to go off the original registry.
Con: Your gift could seem impersonal
If you consider yourself to be a close friend of the happy couple, you may already know that your gift will be welcomed, even if it's not on the wedding registry. However, there's still a chance that the situation can go awry, especially if you don't put your knowledge of the couple to use. For example, they may actually expect you not to stick to what they list on their wedding registry, but that almost heightens the expectations.
As you consider what to give the newlyweds, think about something meaningful that they can have for years to come. This means you might want to steer clear of items like Tupperware, towels, and anything else that may seem like it could've been purchased by anyone — think of what you could find that can exhibit a personal touch. For instance, champagne glasses that are engraved with the couple's names can be something they'll make use of long after the wedding. A blanket with a happy sentiment embroidered on it can give them something to keep around the house. If you're married, look back on what you received — which gifts stood out the most? This can give you the inspiration you need to make a memorable impact.
Pro: You can skip the online shopping
Anyone who has ever had to make a purchase from a registry before knows how daunting it can be, especially if the creators happen to have several friends and family members — the list of items on the registry may seem endless. If you don't want to sit down and filter through all of the options, it might be better to forego the registry altogether.
Some choose to go off the wedding registry if they prefer to purchase a gift at a physical store location instead. If you find that this would be more comfortable for you, it's not a bad idea to consider this route. However, you'll just want to make sure there isn't any awkwardness when the time comes to give your gift to the happy couple. Again, think about bringing up your plan to them beforehand. They might be able to provide ideas for items that would be of use to them if you decide to buy a gift at a brick-and-mortar location. In the end, collaboration can ensure that everyone is happy with the situation and no one is surprised in an uncomfortable way.
Con: You'll run the risk of giving a duplicate gift
Another common risk that anyone can run into if they veer off of the wedding registry is giving a gift that the couple has already received. Not only can this become a problem for the couple, but it can make the situation awkward while rendering your gift useless. You can avoid this problem by sticking to the wedding registry, which likely accounts for duplicates to prevent this issue from arising among guests.
If you know you won't be able to default to the registry but want to steer clear of these hiccups, don't forget to ask for a gift receipt. This will give the couple the chance to return your gift if it's a duplicate. In a situation where you forget to ask for a receipt, let the newlyweds know that you're comfortable with them declining the gift or regifting it to someone in the future. In exchange, you might want to ask the couple what you can give them instead to better suit their needs. If you're in a pinch, don't rule out a check or a gift card — Woman Getting Married points out that money is typically appreciated by all newlyweds.
Pro: You can fulfill a forgotten need
If you already know you don't want to stick by the list you see in the wedding registry, you have the opportunity to select a gift that fills a need the couple may have forgotten about (via Inside Weddings). For instance, they may have dinnerware, towels, and throw pillows on their wedding registry, but what about bedding? If you see any gaps in the registry list while you're scrolling, take advantage of the chance to find them something you know they'll need.
Some overlooked ideas you might want to consider are picture frames (for all of those wedding photos), kitchen utensils or storage, and luggage for the honeymoon and beyond. If you want to make sure the couple doesn't already have the gift you're thinking of giving, ask them ahead of time to avoid a duplicate. You can also use the opportunity to ask them if there is anything specific that they need, but didn't list on their registry. Some couples choose to leave out certain items that they think would be better left for close family and friends to find for them. Go ahead and ask — you never know what they'll say.
Con: You may ruffle some feathers if you can't attend the wedding
There may be several valid reasons why you choose not to buy a gift from the newlyweds' wedding registry, and a good one is if you're unable to attend. However, this doesn't mean that the couple isn't expecting some sort of gesture from you, which may put you in a bind if you choose to avoid the registry. Some couples feel strongly about guests purchasing from the registry only, so not doing this could add fuel to the fire.
In an instance where you decide against purchasing an item from the registry, you can smooth over any tension by expressing your congratulations in a different way. If you're an acquaintance who happened to receive an invite, Brides notes that a gift usually isn't expected, and your R.S.V.P. should be enough. However, you can send along a greeting card shortly after the wedding if you want to be sure there are no hard feelings.
If you are a close friend or family member, see if there is a way you can send along a small gift after the event or contribute to their honeymoon fund. Be sure to include a card or a note for that personal touch that the couple might be expecting.