The Viral 'Six Besties' Friendship Theory, Explained

Female friendships are serious business. From the moment you walk into your kindergarten classroom until you roll into your nursing home, society tells you that you should have one true soulmate of a best friend who meets all your platonic needs. Women tend to bond so closely with their best friends that a friendship breakup can feel more devastating to them than the end of any romantic relationship ever could. That's a lot of pressure to put on one person.


What if, instead of choosing one best friend to be there for you in every imaginable scenario, you chose different besties for each situation based on their unique strengths and interests? This is exactly what Alexandra Hayes Robinson has proposed in a TikTok video explaining her six besties theory. Robinson theorizes that rather than approaching friendship like an all-purpose multi-tool, you should allow yourself access to an entire toolbox, so you always have the very best tool for the job at hand. Let's take a deep dive into the six types of besties everyone needs, according to this viral theory.

Ole reliable

The first type of best friend on Alexandra Hayes Robinson's list is the one she refers to as the "dead body" bestie. This is the one you go to when you've gotten yourself into a seriously sketchy or hopeless situation because you know they'll be there to help without judgement. Got yourself entangled with a man or woman who's married? Drained your joint savings account for a shopping spree and your partner just saw the bank statement? This is the friend you call.


An important determination to make when you consider this friendship role is whether this bestie is down to support you — even when you've made a huge mistake — or if she's down to enable your behavior. A good friend for this role is one who will never give up on you but will also gently encourage you to do what you can to make things right after you've made a questionable choice.

Fun chum

Sometimes, you just need to let loose and have a good time without worrying about life's deeper issues. For these occasions, you'll need a fun chum, also known as your "good time bestie." These tend to be what is commonly referred to as a "woo girl" thanks to a popular episode of "How I Met Your Mother" that originally aired in 2008. Woo girls are best known for the excited noise they make over everyday occurrences like a popular song being played on the radio.


Your fun chum is not the person you want to go to for serious life advice. Keep your time with them light, fun-focused, and surface-level. This is your partner in crime when it's time to blow off some steam and have a few drinks after a stressful week at work or at home with the kids. Then, it's back to real life until you schedule your next fun friend date.

Connected co-worker

The state of your work environment can have a major impact on your mental health; so much so that stressful workplaces are associated with an elevated risk of anxiety, depression, insomnia, and substance abuse (via PsychCentral). Having a connected co-worker or "work bestie" onsite to provide you with some comfort and support can make a huge difference in your daily mood and motivation level.


Your connected co-worker doesn't necessarily have to meet all your standards for a bestie outside of work. Your workplace is a limited pool and the only purpose of your friendship is to hold each other up on the job, so you don't need to see eye to eye on or even discuss divisive issues like politics. Maybe you cover each other's stations when one of you needs a few extra minutes on your break or you create a lunch ritual of commiserating about your tyrant of a boss. Either way, you know there's someone at work who always has your back.

Motivational ally

The fifth bestie of the six besties theory is the motivational ally, also known as the "similar ambition bestie." This is the best friend who truly gets whichever personal or career goal you're currently aiming for because she is on the same path. If you're starting a fitness journey, she's your running buddy. If you're starting your own business as a side hustle, she's another new entrepreneur. Together, you provide accountability, encouragement, inspiration, and support when roadblocks occur.


A motivational ally is key to achieving your long-term goals. Your other friends and your partner might be supportive, but they don't necessarily have first-hand experience doing what you're doing. This bestie is with you on the frontlines, cheering you on through your successes and your failures as you do the same for her. There is no substitute for this bestie. If you can't find a friend who shares your ambition in person, turn to the internet. Facebook groups and Meetup are great ways to find folks with common goals.

Longtime confidant

Everyone needs a longtime confidant — referred to by Alexandra Hayes Robinson as an "OG bestie" — in their lives. This is the friend that you went to college, high school, or even elementary school with; the one who once considered your mother a second mom and knows all your family secrets. It's normal for this friendship to cool off over the years. You may not see each other or even speak often but when you do, neither of you misses a beat.


With your longtime confidant, there's no need to spend an hour giving all the backstory needed to understand the context of an issue that will only take 30 minutes to discuss. They already know about your family secrets. If you feel like this bestie is missing from your life, think back to who you were closest with when you were a child, teen, or young adult. Perhaps it's time to reach out and rekindle that friendship.

Kindred spirit

Old or new, a kindred spirit or "North Star" bestie is the friend who lights up your soul and inspires you to become the highest version of yourself. This friend gets you in a way that no one else ever has. You might enter the realm of spirituality together, whether that means embracing a religion or exploring divination practices like tarot card reading or astrology. You'll know when you've found this friend because you'll feel like you can talk to her about things that you'd never dream of bringing up to anyone else.


Together, you and your kindred spirit will discover your true selves. Often, this includes stripping back the traits you've adopted due to societal expectations and returning to the things that brought you joy as a child. You may find that some of your besties fit two or more of the six roles and that's okay. The point of the theory is that one person shouldn't be saddled with all six. Let people shine in the arena of their natural gifts and everyone will benefit.