Are You Stuck In A Dexting Relationship? Our Dating Expert Defines The Term
Another day, another new dating term. "Dexting" is the latest romance-related buzzword to hit the dating scene, and many people are doing it without even realizing it's a formal thing. The concept involves people who only communicate via text and don't meet in person, usually after meeting on a dating app, Jaime Bronstein, licensed relationship therapist and author of "MAN*ifesting: A Step-By-Step Guide to Attracting the Love That's Meant for You," exclusively told Glam. "This can go on for weeks or months, and people look at this as a relationship when, in fact, the actual in-person meeting has yet to take place," she says.
This is not the first time people have had a virtual relationship without any physical interaction. Just ask anyone who met in a chatroom in the '90s or those who had penpals before that. However, the defining difference seems to be, as Bronstein says, that dexters are under the impression that a relationship is forming when it might be just the opposite. Fortunately, Bronstein gave Glam exclusive details that can help figure out if a dexting relationship is worth pursuing.
Red flags of an unhealthy dexting relationship
It's a pretty common scenario — you "met" weeks or months ago via an app or other virtual method. What makes a true dexting relationship stand out is that an instant virtual connection occurs, which is so rare in today's high-intensity dating scene. The problem is, you're now ready to meet after a ton of texts, and the other person isn't helping to make that happen. This is a major red flag relationship therapist Jaime Bronstein exclusively told Glam because they're likely hiding a relationship or something else. "They may give an excuse as to why they can't meet in person when, in reality, it's because they are living with someone, married, or in a committed relationship, so they can't be seen in public on a date," she says. "Use your intuition, and if something feels 'sketchy' or off in any way, then trust your gut."
It's also easier in a dexting relationship for one person to deflect answers and control the conversation. "Another red flag of dexting (and this goes for texting also) is if the person doesn't ask you any questions and you are the one carrying on the conversation," Bronstein says. "You don't want a one-sided relationship. It shows a lack of effort, and that's unattractive." After all, the whole point of a relationship is to find someone who is ideally both emotionally and physically attractive, right?
How long should dexting go on?
Some dexting isn't necessarily a bad thing because it can delay the too-fast onset of a physical relationship. "I like the concept of forming an emotional connection (this would entail phone conversations in addition to texting) and getting to know one another before meeting," relationship therapist Jaime Bronstein says to Glam exclusively. "Dexting can be beneficial for people who tend to jump into relationships because it forces you to slow down and take it one day at a time. If you form a foundation before meeting, there's a good chance there will be more depth in the relationship after meeting in person."
That said, she cautions people against dexting for more than a couple of weeks (one month at most) because the person-to-person connection is so important in determining whether or not a relationship has legs. "Chemistry and an energetic connection are essential; you will know if it's there once you meet," Bronstein explains. That way, if the person is not sincere in their feelings or there's simply no chemistry you won't have wasted a ton of time and emotional currency on them. But we're crossing our fingers that it's just the opposite scenario.