Our Relationship Expert's Best Advice For Handling Claims That You Moved On Too Quickly
We may receive a commission on purchases made from links.
Breakups can take weeks or even months to heal from — except for when they don't. While it's never a good idea to try to force yourself to get over a lost relationship, sometimes the process isn't as long and arduous as the rom-coms and love songs would make it seem. You might realize after a short grieving period that you're no longer attached to your ex and feel ready to get on with life.
However, there's a downside to moving on so quickly: receiving pushback from other people. Friends, family members, and others in your circle may point out that, in their opinion, you're pushing ahead too soon or that it's not yet time to start dating again. This frustrating form of judgment isn't unique to your breakup — rebound relationships have long had a bad rap, and celebrities from Jennifer Lopez to Sophie Turner have been criticized by fans for coupling up soon after a split. It seems that, to some, the only way to recover from a breakup is by wallowing with a pint of ice cream for six months.
So how should you respond when a loved one claims you're not over your ex, even when you're sure you're already past the Ben & Jerry's stage? Glam tapped Dr. Terri Orbuch, PhD, (aka The Love Doctor®), relationship expert, professor at Oakland University in Michigan, and author of "Finding Love Again: 6 Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship," for exclusive advice on how to deal.
Grieving a breakup isn't one-size-fits-all
Receiving unsolicited advice about how to process your breakup — and for how long — can feel disheartening. But according to Dr. Terri Orbuch, this input often has good intentions. "I think people mistakenly assume that everyone needs to 'grieve' for a long period of time, after the loss/breakup of a relationship," the dating expert explains exclusively to Glam. "They assume that people need a long time to process the loss, why the relationship didn't work (or why it ended), and get to know themselves again." Simply put, your loved ones probably just want to make sure you've healed so you don't run into post-breakup regrets.
Despite their good intentions, however, you know when you've moved on better than they do. As Dr. Orbuch points out, "Contrary to what people assume, studies show there is NO predetermined or typical range of time after a breakup before you're ready to start dating again. There are no facts or evidence to support a needed time period to move on." It all comes down to how your previous relationship ended and whether or not you're still emotionally attached, she says. "I have worked with people who try to work things out with their partner, and do everything they can to fix the relationship. But when things don't change, they separate emotionally and grieve the loss of the relationship. They may take days, weeks, or even years to grieve and move on. Everyone is different and there is no typical time."
How to respond when someone says you're moving on too fast
Whether you've started a new relationship or just want to celebrate more girls' nights with your crew, your post-breakup behaviors might elicit some pushback, especially if you appear to be moving on and enjoying life without your ex. When this happens, Dr. Terri Orbuch says to remind yourself that you know better than anyone how long it takes for you to heal. "There are no set timelines to follow, and only you will know when you're ready to get into the dating world again," she shares exclusively with Glam. And no matter how insulting or shaming these comments may be, Dr. Orbuch notes you're not alone in dealing with them. "These comments are said to lots of people."
Still, you don't have to silently accept your loved ones' criticisms. Dr. Orbuch suggests responding by validating their concerns yet standing your ground. "If you want to say something, you can say: 'Thank you. I appreciate that you are concerned about me. I know that it comes from a place of love and caring,'" she advises. This statement acknowledges that the other person has good intentions, even if they may be misguided. Alternatively, the relationship expert suggests saying, "I hear and understand what you're saying. But I have healed, and I am ready for a new relationship."
Remember, you're in the driver's seat of your love life. Whether you go slow or take the fast lane is entirely up to you.