Mariska Hargitay Keeps Her Marriage Strong With 'Disciplined Curiosity'

It's only natural when scrolling through celebrity wedding photos, oohing and ahhing at the dress and guest list, to immediately start speculating about how long the couple will last. It's not untrue that celebrity marriages tend to have a high failure rate — and so it's special when one goes the distance. Take Mariska Hargitay, for example. Among the other real-life partners of the "Law & Order: SVU" ladies, you'll find actor Peter Hermann, who has been married to Hargitay since 2004. 

So, what's the secret to their 20-plus years together? Hargitay told E! News in June 2026, "I feel so blessed in that department. My new two favorite words are 'disciplined curiosity.' Really being curious about the other person and how they experience something and really listening." Anyone who's ever been in a long-term relationship can attest to how easy it is to fall into routine and stop trying to discover new things about your partner. 

The B-side of curiosity is being ready to address whatever arises and have the difficult talks. Hargitay added, "We give each other the space to have those — they can be tough conversations — but to really listen and understand, because I think you get into trouble when you close down." Some other celebs take a similar bare-it-all approach to their relationships as well. For instance, Bunnie Xo embraces uncomfortable conversations in her marriage, and it works wonders. Hargitay also said humor is key and that she and Hermann can joke about anything.

Mariska Hargitay and Peter Hermann met back in 2002 on the set of "Law & Order: SVU." Hargitay, of course, was a regular as Detective Olivia Benson, while Hermann was a guest star. Hargitay said she was immediately attracted to her now-husband, thinking, "Who is that Clark Gable, Superman guy that I need to marry today?" she revealed on "The Drew Barrymore Show" in January 2022. The pair got to know each other on set, and, for their first date, Hermann asked Hargitay to go to church with him. Under the guise of having been moved by the sermon, Hargitay cried during the date because, she said, she knew she'd found the person she was going to marry. 

Hermann told People in June 2019 that it was a moment during Hargitay's 40th birthday party that sealed the deal for him. "I actually saw Mariska with all of the people that she loved around her. It was like seeing this person who was now in the soil ... which was this abundance of people and this abundance of love, and I thought, I want to be part of that soil." The pair married later that year, in August 2004, and have since welcomed three children. Hargitay is one of the many celebs who got married later in life, and Hermann is also four years her junior. In the same 2019 People interview, Hargitay said, "I waited and married the right one, and it's better than I thought."