What's Your Argument Style?

Most of us have heard of the five love languages, our attachment styles, and even our learning styles. But have you ever considered what your argument style is? We all know that if we are in a relationship, we are bound to argue. Arguing is actually normal and healthy and proves that you feel confident enough to state your opinion and needs. Arguments expose problem areas in our relationships and are inevitable for the growth and maturity of a relationship (via The Mont Fort Group). However, if you and your partner are in an argument, it can be pretty uncomfortable. In these cases, it's helpful to know the style in which you engage when an argument occurs. 


Knowing your own argument style and possibly your partner's can play a huge role in improving communication and compromise. Because most people dislike arguing with their loved ones, having an understanding such as this can be the first step in lessening the impact an argument has on the partnership.

What are the argument styles?

There are many types of arguing styles out there, and Psychology Today has a test you can take to determine yours. The styles can be broken down into a more passive approach to arguing and a more aggressive one. Metro says that the more aggressive styles are invalidation, dominance, and hitting below the belt. If you are prone to invalidation or hitting below the belt when you argue, you tend to tear down your mate or lash out in ways you know will hurt the most. If you are a dominant arguer, you take control of the argument no matter what you are arguing about.


The more passive styles of arguing include acting disinterested, trying to please your partner even if you feel they are wrong, and just plainly being disinterested. Being a passive-aggressive arguer can be a frustrating experience for a partner, but it also means you don't really ever get what you want in any situation. Those who lean more passively in arguments also suffer mentally. Better Help explains that passive arguers oftentimes have low self-esteem, high anxiety, and substance abuse issues.

How to adjust the way you argue

If you start to understand the way you argue, you can work to make some alterations to your style to come to more of an understanding sooner and in less hurtful ways. According to Fatherly, if you and your partner share the more aggressive types of argument style, it's time to start understanding that finding a compromise isn't losing an argument. You can interrupt this pattern of argument by trying to compliment your partner or really listening to your partner's concerns. This will allow you both to understand that you don't have to keep the argument going. In addition, if you or your partner are more passive-aggressive, TalkSpace says to give yourself time, realize it's okay to be angry, and believe that your feelings are valid. This will give you more confidence in your responses to your partner and allow you to verbalize your feelings.


Just as there are love languages and attachment styles, we all have our own argument style. Knowing yours and even knowing your partner's can help you calm frustrations at home and allow you to speak your concerns confidently and communicate more effectively.