Forget Love Languages - What's Your Erotic Blueprint? Here's How To Figure It Out
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When renowned marriage counselor Gary Chapman's "The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts" was first published in 2015, the world of relationships was shaken to its core as relationship experts began redefining the fundamental elements of intimacy. Under the premise of these five love languages, each person has a different way of expressing and needing to receive love. Therefore, identifying your and your partner's love languages is crucial to understanding each other and meeting one another's needs, leading to a healthy relationship through intimacy and connection. According to Chapman, people's love language or languages can fall into any category: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch.
The validity of these love languages notwithstanding, somatic sexologist and sex educator Jaiya developed the "erotic language" or the "Erotic Blueprint" in her 2015 YouTube video. "Your Erotic Blueprint is a map to your own wiring and your own turn-on. People speak different erotic languages, and we can learn how to speak any of them," she tells Goop.
The erotic blueprint is currently revolutionizing the way people understand and embrace their sexuality. In line with this new trend, the hit Netflix series "Sex, Love & Goop" follows the journey of couples as they discover their erotic blueprint and understand the root of the problem of their perceived mismatched sexual desires. The erotic blueprints are described as Sensual, Energetic, Sexual, Kinky, and Shapeshifter — here's how to tell the difference and learn what your type might be.
The Sensual erotic blueprint
A person with a sensual erotic blueprint needs to have all of their five senses awakened and engaged in experiencing orgasm. Even without actual intercourse or genital arousal, people can experience a full-body orgasm through their senses. Sight, smell, hearing, taste, and touch all come together to give the person with the sensual erotic blueprint an extended wave of pleasure and euphoria that transcends the definition of typical orgasms. As Jaiya tells Goop, Sensuals "have full-body access to orgasmic pleasure through sensations — it isn't always a genital-focused orgasm. It could be something like somebody feeding you a delicious piece of chocolate while they lick the back of your knee."
To engage their full senses, a Sensual needs to experience different forms of touching. A gentle massage, stroking the hair, or softly caressing the body should replace explicit sexual touches. Moreover, a Sensual cannot become aroused if the setting is not right; a romantic ambiance is necessary to put them in the mood to get between the sheets. They must be fully immersed in the experience to enjoy it. Toys that heighten the senses (such as eye masks) and alter tactile experiences (experimenting with soft materials, ice cubes, etc.) can also be good options.
Unfortunately, people with a sensual erotic blueprint can be easily turned off. While engaging all five senses might seem straightforward, Sensuals may experience elusive orgasms or no orgasms; after all, creating the perfect setting catering to all our senses is not always easy.
The Energetic erotic blueprint
Jaiya tells MensHealth, "The energetic loves anticipation, space, tease, really playing with 'touching but not touching,' all of those really fun things. They like energy. And some of them really get into the spiritual aspect of sexuality. Yes, sex and spirit can go together, and so there's this sense of I'm reaching or attaining enlightenment through my sexual energy."
Energetics are intuitive lovers; they pick up on the energy around them and connect with their partners on a deeper level. Because they love teasing, they become easily aroused and may have multiple orgasms. Anything that makes them feel safe is a big turn-on: eye contact, soft whispering in the ear, affirmations of love, and even matching breathing and in-sync body movements. However, they can become easily distracted and lose arousal quickly should their safety connection feel broken.
People with an energetic erotic blueprint are very sensitive and can quickly become overwhelmed and overstimulated, causing them to shut down and disassociate from their partner. Jaiya explains that sometimes, "There's so much sensation that they short-circuit. Part of the shadow side is that they can short-circuit very easily and shut down because it's just too much stimulation. If you're throwing giant boulders in the water over and over and over again, it's too much for the energetic. They just need a pebble" (via Goop).
The Sexual erotic blueprint
As the name suggests, people with a Sexual erotic blueprint are all about the tension release and relaxation an orgasm offers. Sex is the way to meet a basic need, unwind, and recharge. So unlike Sensuals, people in this category don't need a beautiful, picture-perfect setting to become aroused: Explicit sexual touches in the genital area will instantly do the trick.
Similarly, Sexuals are turned on by erotic visual stimuli, sexual innuendos, explicit dirty talk, and, of course, the act of penetration itself. If you seek to entice a person with a Sexual erotic blueprint, sex toys are a great addition to your sex scene. AASECT-certified sex therapist Janet Brito tells Women's Health Magazine, "The sexual type is someone who gets aroused by body parts, genitals, [and] seeing someone naked."
Nevertheless, being so focused on the end result of orgasm may prohibit these people from actually enjoying the moment with their partners or lead them to miss the needs of their partners altogether. Moreover, as Sexuals are genitally focused, they can forget to explore other parts of the body and miss the sensuality that ensues from this exploration. Ultimately, being orgasm-driven may also cause some Sexuals to feel shame in their insatiable libido and sexual desires.
The Kinky erotic blueprint
Aptly named, the Kinky erotic blueprint means that the person becomes aroused by everything considered kinky and taboo. Anything outside the norm is up for grabs for this person. The excitement of experimentation — be it bondage, role-playing, submitting power into the hands of their partner, or simply a scandalous outfit — ignites this person's fantasy. Pushing one's personal limits and discovering new ways of arousal while letting go of inhibitions and exploring sensuality and eroticism is what the Kinky erotic blueprint is all about.
A person that falls under the Kinky category seeks to create intensely pleasurable experiences, so sensation toys are a great way to satisfy their needs. Similarly, the thrill of risk-taking while having sex in places outside the bedroom (be it public spaces, in the car, on the beach, etc.) is a super aphrodisiac. Anything forbidden goes — for them, "taboo" is the word.
While people with the Kinky erotic blueprint love to experiment, they may also experience deep disappointment and shame when their partner does not want to hop on the kinky wagon. Moreover, some may find themselves stuck in a rut, continuously seeking new ways to up the game and keep the excitement going. While this is definitely not bad, it is essential to be thoroughly educated before they decide to step up their game and that they do so with a partner with whom they feel entirely safe and share intimacy.
The Shapeshifter erotic blueprint
The Shapeshifters have an incredible capacity to appreciate everything about sex. They are erotically intelligent, and they seek constant exploration. While they will not push their limits like those with the Kinky blueprint, the Shapeshifters still seek variety in their intimate encounters and are deeply aware of their partner's needs and desires. Their openness to explore and their eagerness to please their partners means that people with this erotic blueprint will be a perfect match for any other erotic blueprint partner. Whether their partner seeks variety, role-playing, toys, or scandalous adventures, a Shapeshifter is an ideal person to share a fantasy with.
However, precisely because of their versatility and eagerness to please their partner, people with this erotic blueprint may fall into the trap of putting others' needs above their own. Inadvertently, they may quickly get bored as they feel their sex life has settled into a predictable routine. Similarly, partners of Shapeshifters, even though they will receive all the attention at first, might find it hard to keep the flame burning by constantly shaking things to keep routine at bay.
Discovering your erotic blueprint
Finding your erotic blueprint can work wonders for your relationship and spice things up in the bedroom. Knowing the distinct characteristics of each blueprint may give you an idea of which category you fall under and what desire styles you align with — however, what you "think" you are may not always be what your body truly aligns with. To help people understand their erotic blueprint, Jaiya developed the Erotic Blueprint Quiz on her official website, Erotic Blueprint Breakthrough.
While the complete in-depth quiz is not free, there is a free version you can try to get an idea of your body's desires. Knowing your primary erotic blueprint will help unleash your full orgasmic blueprint potential, as knowing how your body is erotically wired will help your partner best respond to your needs and vice versa. But chemistry is everything, and each partner will bring out something different in you. This is why nothing in the sex domain is purely black or white. Au contraire — there seem to be several shades of gray in between.
So while you may be a Sexual type with partner A, you might just as well be a Sensual with partner B. Consequently, at any time, we can be a unique mix of all five erotic blueprints. Having said that, Jaiya states that there is only one primary type in each of us — although a mixture of any of these is possible at any time.
Is the quiz accurate?
The erotic blueprint quiz is a great tool for learning about what turns you on — but the downside is that your answers are based on preconceived notions of what you believe you desire, shaped by past sexual experiences and ideas on your lust language. However, hands-on experimentation will lead you to paths you would not have otherwise considered exploring. So even though you might think you are Energetic, the thrill of trying out something "taboo" might act as a super aphrodisiac, indicating that a little Kinky lies inside you too.
To find out, start by bringing some mindfulness into your intimate play. Try out different things and see what arouses your senses. Take mental notes of which body parts are mostly aroused and by what type of sensations. Do you like a deep massage on your back, or do you like soft feathers stroking your inner thighs? Do you want to be blindfolded? How about surrendering control to your partner, or would an erotic movie put you in the mood? Provide various sensations to increase your body's awareness of what turns you on — you might be surprised by what you discover.
Knowing your (and your partner's) primary erotic blueprint type can help you take the quickest path to arousal and orgasmic pleasure, turning you into a better lover. Moreover, knowing what turns you off can be equally empowering and liberating, helping you shed any shame or guilt you might experience when things go south in bed.