Want To Attract Better Partners? Adopt This Trait ASAP
For some, searching for your significant other can be a long and arduous journey. It may involve a great deal of trial and error, as you learn about yourself and what you look for in a partner. However, there are certain traits or habits that are considered universally attractive and irresistible — namely, an innate sense of curiosity. Humans are social creatures, as communicating helps us connect to others and build relationships. In a relationship, curiosity translates to interest and care. In fact, the ability to both communicate and listen attentively is one of the habits considered most attractive to potential patterns.
Moreover, showing interest in your partner's life is such an important aspect of relationships that it also extends to other forms of communication, including texting. For instance, during an exclusive interview with Glam in 2023, dating expert Isabel Faye explained that making an effort through text by asking tailored questions can help strengthen a relationship, as it "creates a deeper emotional connection and shows that you are genuinely interested in their world." For this reason, displaying a curious and open mindset toward your date or significant other is a notoriously underappreciated trait. Not only does adopting a curious attitude toward others increase your own attractiveness, but it also allows you to attract like-minded people into your life.
Curiosity fosters intimacy
Showing interest in a potential partner by asking questions encourages the other individual to open up. This helps you get to know them better but also lets the other person know that you are interested in what they have to say. If they reciprocate your interest and ask you questions in turn, this leads to a healthy back-and-forth interaction that experts refer to as "reciprocal self-disclosure."
When you allow yourself to be curious about another person, the questions naturally and gradually become more intimate. This mutual vulnerability is necessary to build a healthy relationship and influences how quickly a relationship develops. A shared curiosity also affects the depth of your connection and helps nurture a potential long-lasting relationship. What's more, cultivating a healthy and steady level of curiosity between individuals can help sustain a long-term relationship and reduce the chance of one or both partners losing interest in the other.
Curious people react with less aggression in social situations
Choosing to prioritize playfulness, positivity, and genuine curiosity rather than indulging in negative traits, such as apathy or aggression, will increase your chances of finding someone you truly connect with. In fact, a 2012 study published in the Journal of Personality analyzed the link between curiosity and aggression and found that highly curious people react less defensively or aggressively toward romantic partners and those who inflict psychological damage. Researchers found that curious people act less aggressively than others as they exhibit greater context sensitivity.
Psychologist Todd Kashdan attributes this behavior to enhanced self-regulation and the tendency for curious individuals to understand different perspectives. "Self-regulation is great — you can control your reactions in emotional encounters," Kashdan tells Greater Good. "But if you don't engage in perspective-taking, the conflict will continue to simmer." In other words, curious people are more likely to take into account the other person's perspective or situation during a conflict situation, rather than judging them and reacting on instinct with aggressive behavior.
The connection between curiosity and emotional resilience
According to a 2017 study published in Personality and Individual Differences, there is a positive correlation between curiosity and emotional resilience. Researchers found that curious people are better at braving the emotional consequences of rejection than less-curious individuals. In the study, which involved adults between the ages of 20 and 39, curious people experienced less aversive effects to social rejection, such as decreased life satisfaction and depression. In other words, curious folks are less affected by rejection in social situations. This regulated response to rejection is referred to as emotional resilience, and it ties back to your emotional intelligence.
That said, life is always full of unpredictable dips and turns, and relationships are no exception. In this regard, people who display greater emotional resilience have an advantage during conflict situations and heated arguments. The ability to bounce back after perceived slights and rejections is a respectable skill, and this emotional maturity and satisfaction with life increases your attractiveness to others.
Curious people display less narcissistic qualities
Growing up to become a walking narcissistic red flag is not usually anyone's intention. While many people may possesses narcissistic qualities to a degree, it becomes a serious problem when you graduate from occasionally self-centered to full-time narcissist. That said, typical narcissistic qualities, such as being judgemental, selfish, and destructive, lie in direct opposition to the positive qualities of a curious individual, including empathy and compassion. Narcissists are also characterized by the unwillingness to empathize with others. They can feel empathy, contrary to popular belief, "but they will have a hard time understanding how you actually feel," psychologist Michele Goldman tells Parade. "They will struggle to relate to what you're saying, won't understand why you feel how you feel, might question how you feel and try to challenge your emotional reactions." Therefore, one could say that a narcissistic person lacks genuine curiosity toward other people, which is not a desirable quality in a potential lifelong partner.
Not many people will want to date a highly narcissistic individual, so if you want to become a better partner, learning how to balance your narcissistic tendencies with the help of a mental health professional will be key. Conversely, employing curiosity while dating someone you suspect is a narcissist will help you weed out toxic individuals, while opening up space in your life to pursue more meaningful and safe relationships.
Curiosity and empathy go hand in hand
Empathy is a must when searching for a healthy and rewarding relationship, as it helps you connect to others on a profound level and helps you better understand your partner. When you are interested in other people and act on that curiosity, you expose yourself to different types of individuals. By meeting new people, asking questions, and learning about their interests and experiences, you can expand your worldview and grow as an individual. Connecting to other people also helps you better understand who you are as a person and develop your self-identity.
In turn, this understanding contributes to your emotional intelligence, which involves the level of emotional awareness you have for yourself and others. Those with strong emotional intelligence and empathy can readily assess and navigate their emotions, as well as the emotions of their partner. As such, a highly curious person tends to feel more empathy toward other people, which develops their emotional intelligence and makes it easier to manage social interactions. For instance, an emotionally aware individual will likely show better judgment when searching for a romantic partner. Similarly, this awareness can help them act more empathetic toward a partner in a relationship.